Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
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