There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
