and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
