i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Randomize
