the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
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Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
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I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
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