Who did Billy Mays play for?
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
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