I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
