I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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