I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
