let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
