Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Come see our sink grown plant.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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