You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
