That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
