the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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