I accidentally burped into my bong.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
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he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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