Whod you bang
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
