At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
