shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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