Texts From Last Night

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  (773): View more from Illinois

  My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.

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  (773): My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas. http://tfl.nu/zv1j
  Replies (1) Good night (517) Bad night (806) Order T-Shirt
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  (774): View more from Massachusetts

  if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant

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  (774): if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant http://tfl.nu/blow
  Replies (10) Good night (1168) Bad night (2838) Order T-Shirt
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.

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  (610): NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS. http://tfl.nu/4d7u
  Replies (17) Good night (570) Bad night (2941) Order T-Shirt
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  (770): View more from Georgia

  I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.

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  (770): I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges. http://tfl.nu/kn7k
  Replies (51) Good night (1031) Bad night (4519) Order T-Shirt
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  (305): View more from Florida

  Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.

  (786): View more from Florida

  How high are you right now..

  (305): View more from Florida

  I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.

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  (305): Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind. (786): How high are you right now.. (305): I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT. http://tfl.nu/q5i7
  Replies (29) Good night (10152) Bad night (962)
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  (705): View more from Ontario

  APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...

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  (705): APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk... http://tfl.nu/biv4
  Replies (5) Good night (3544) Bad night (784) Order T-Shirt
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  (612): View more from Minnesota

  And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.

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  (612): And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer. http://tfl.nu/cz4h
  Replies (8) Good night (4300) Bad night (1845) Order T-Shirt
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  (218): View more from Minnesota

  Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about

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  (218): Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about http://tfl.nu/idfh
  Replies (23) Good night (1282) Bad night (6080) Order T-Shirt
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  (980): View more from North Carolina

  when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.

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  (980): when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space. http://tfl.nu/ayzt
  Replies (14) Good night (5887) Bad night (675) Order T-Shirt
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  (559): View more from California

  The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.

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  (559): The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway. http://tfl.nu/e3fd
  Replies (7) Good night (2527) Bad night (727) Order T-Shirt
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  (916): View more from California

  I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.

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  (916): I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745. http://tfl.nu/vvre
  Replies (4) Good night (1222) Bad night (744) Order T-Shirt
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  (702): View more from Nevada

  Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.

  (1-702): View more from Nevada

  I regret nothing

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  (702): Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal. (1-702): I regret nothing http://tfl.nu/jdko
  Replies (12) Good night (2367) Bad night (436)
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  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.

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  (202): That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off. http://tfl.nu/x6zl
  Replies (11) Good night (596) Bad night (1522) Order T-Shirt
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  (917): View more from New York City

  Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.

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  (917): Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society. http://tfl.nu/2sl2
  Replies (2) Good night (337) Bad night (174) Order T-Shirt
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  (614): View more from Ohio

  Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.

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  (614): Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay. http://tfl.nu/o52k
  Replies (6) Good night (708) Bad night (231) Order T-Shirt

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