Texts From Last Night

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  (313): View more from Michigan

  mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.

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  (313): mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved. http://tfl.nu/u6ef
  Replies (3) Good night (1003) Bad night (534)
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  (216): View more from Ohio

  Someone shit on the floor

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  (216): Someone shit on the floor http://tfl.nu/4f0v
  Replies (20) Good night (748) Bad night (2952)
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  (571): View more from Virginia

  I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed

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  (571): I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed http://tfl.nu/twel
  Replies (24) Good night (3656) Bad night (1865)
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  (443): View more from Maryland

  its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike

  (303): View more from Colorado

  you still have morals?

  (443): View more from Maryland

  Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole

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  (443): its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike (303): you still have morals? (443): Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole http://tfl.nu/6ecs
  Replies (46) Good night (9730) Bad night (1500)
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  (914): View more from New York

  Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos

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  (914): Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos http://tfl.nu/qe5u
  Replies (33) Good night (2741) Bad night (5012)
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  (443): View more from Maryland

  Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?

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  (443): Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert? http://tfl.nu/7qpe
  Replies (8) Good night (1007) Bad night (2488)
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  (623): View more from Arizona

  As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.

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  (623): As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know. http://tfl.nu/mc6n
  Replies (8) Good night (2444) Bad night (924)
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  (775): View more from Nevada

  A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!

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  (775): A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?! http://tfl.nu/j8i6
  Replies (9) Good night (2112) Bad night (449)
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  (908): View more from New Jersey

  He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.

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  (908): He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS. http://tfl.nu/gbcc
  Replies (16) Good night (1746) Bad night (671)
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  (716): View more from New York

  The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.

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  (716): The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us. http://tfl.nu/j1ej
  Replies (11) Good night (2624) Bad night (596)
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  (213): View more from California

  Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!

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  (213): Well, we won the drunk before noon contest! http://tfl.nu/g4t1
  Replies (5) Good night (800) Bad night (318)
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  (601): View more from Mississippi

  You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.

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  (601): You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs. http://tfl.nu/oyg1
  Replies (3) Good night (250) Bad night (598)
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  (913): View more from Kansas

  Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome

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  (913): Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome http://tfl.nu/rr1v
  Replies (4) Good night (1224) Bad night (262)
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  (586): View more from Michigan

  He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.

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  (586): He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis. http://tfl.nu/f1uw
  Replies (2) Good night (611) Bad night (293)
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  (623): View more from Arizona

  Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.

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  (623): Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime. http://tfl.nu/nfvc
  Replies (5) Good night (705) Bad night (219)

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