Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
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Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
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You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice