While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
