I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Randomize
