I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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