My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
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i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
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NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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