my soul wont recognize me after tonight
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
