First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
