I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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