Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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