Sponge bath it is.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Randomize
