I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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