there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Randomize
