and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
