i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
