I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Randomize
