yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
