I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
