I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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