Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
