I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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