I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
this will be a night to untag.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Randomize
