I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
