we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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