Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
