I am in a vortex of obligation.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
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