Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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