My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Randomize
