I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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