I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
