Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Randomize
