I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
