I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
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