I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
