70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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