so that wasnt chicken after all
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
