i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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