I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
