I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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