I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
