I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
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