I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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