I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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