Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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