A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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