you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
