Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
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