On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
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She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
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He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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