There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
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Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
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