Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
