we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
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