we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
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Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
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The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
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