when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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