now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
