I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
