Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
