i barfeds in our rink
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Randomize
