I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
We are two peas in an std pod
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
